


Fall Back Down

by Synnerxx



Series: Habits (Stay High) [9]
Category: Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: Addiction, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, Introspection, M/M, Weirdness, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:57:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave thinks about addiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fall Back Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleep_and_feel_no_pain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleep_and_feel_no_pain/gifts).



> birthday fic for raven. early this time around! happy (early) birthday! you are definitely one of my favorite people on the planet and i'm happy to get to celebrate with you! have some porn and some angst, but i mean it wouldn't be me if i didn't give you feels, right? <33333 posting it now because you know me and how i am terrible at waiting to give gifts if i have them early. XD enjoy! 
> 
> also this is the second to last part, i think.

According to science, it takes twenty-one days to break a habit. 

But you know what they say: Once an addict, always an addict. 

Dave supposes he knows this better than anyone. His addictions - drugs, alcohol, playing guitar, even Red Vines, of all things - burrow their roots into him and stay there, no matter how hard he tries to get rid of them. Twenty-one days, bullshit. 

His deepest addictions happen to be people. Or rather, two specific people. James Hetfield. David Ellefson. He can't figure out the secret to quitting them. Either of them. He's sure he could have twenty-one lifetimes and still be as hopelessly addicted to them then as he is now. 

Which might explain why he's here with James now. Everything comes back around. The addiction cycles. A circle has no end, after all. Around and around we go, he thinks viciously to himself as he kisses James, fingers curling in his short hair. It doesn’t translate into the kiss though, which is different than the ones they share most of the time. There’s no biting edge to it, no anger, no sharpness. 

He can feel James’ surprise, but James wisely doesn’t comment on it and lets him rid them of their clothes. They fall back onto the bed together, pressing against one another, moans getting lost as they kiss again, hands skimming over heated flesh. Dave shifts on top of James, moving down between his thighs and pushes them up and back, trailing his tongue over his hole teasingly for a moment before he presses it deeply inside of him, hand wrapping around his cock at the same time. James reaches down and tangles his fingers in Dave’s hair, tugging lightly, tipping his head back with a groan of pleasure. 

Dave thrusts his tongue in and out of him, getting him wet and messy, and shifts, sucking the fingers of his free hand into his mouth and then pressing two of them inside of James, curling them to stroke over his sweet spot again and again as his tongue presses inside of him. James’ hands tighten in his hair and it makes his cock twitch and throb at the bright, stinging pain in his scalp, sending goosebumps down over his arms. 

He adds another finger inside of James, working him open, moving his mouth up and sucking his cock down his throat, groaning around his mouthful when James tugs harder on his hair. He spreads his fingers out, stretching James a little more, fingertips teasing against his sweet spot until James is writhing under him and he teases him a little more because he can and then pulls off of his cock with a wet pop. He pulls his fingers out of him too, moving to the side table and getting the lube and a condom out of the drawer, opening the condom and putting it on. He shudders a little as he slicks himself with the lube, moaning softly at his own touch, aware of James’ eyes on him. 

James makes an impatient sound as his cock pulses against his belly, smudging precome onto his skin, trailing wetness as it twitches in anticipation as he watches Dave with dark blue eyes that are full of lust and need and some other emotions that Dave isn’t going to name because naming them is dangerous. James is already a habit; there’s no need to give him even more power over himself. 

He leans over James again, hooking his thighs over his hips, guiding his cock to his hole, rubbing the head of his cock over his entrance to tease and work them both up a little more before he leans down and kisses James deeply, sharing his taste with him as he pushes into him at the same time. 

They both moan into each other’s mouths, shudders wracking through both of them as Dave slides all the way into James. He stills for a moment, kissing him, letting him adjust, before he breaks the kiss and begins to move, a deep rhythm that grinds against James’ sweet spot with every motion of their hips as James moves to meet his thrusts. James’ nails press into his shoulders as he clings to Dave and Dave trails his lips over James’ cheekbone and down his neck, soft and wet and full of things he doesn’t put a name to because that’s too dangerous.

He sucks a mark onto James’ pulse point, hips speeding up as James’ movements get a little more desperate against him, his moans get a little bit louder in his ear. He chases his release, heat pooling in his belly, flowing through his veins. He curls his fingers around James’ cock and strokes him in time to their movements and James tenses under him, muscles clenching rhythmically around his cock before the dam breaks and he comes hard over Dave’s working fingers with a sharp cry of his name. 

Dave thrusts a few more times inside of James before he stills, buried deep inside of him, coming hard, cock throbbing inside of his body as he moans deeply, holding himself up over James. He pants, opening his eyes to look down at James, taking a moment to really look at him, and his heart clenches a little in his chest, but he ignores it, refuses to name the feelings deep inside of him because James is a habit. 

James’ lashes flutter against his cheeks and he looks up at Dave with eyes that are way too blue and he opens his mouth and Dave knows what he’s going to say, but he can’t bear to hear it and kisses him instead, stealing the words away with his tongue and lips. James takes the hint and tugs softly at the ends of Dave’s hair, but he kisses him back, making a soft, pleased noise. Dave breaks the kiss after a moment and shifts, pulling out of James with a soft hiss. He takes off the condom and ties it, tossing it in the trash. He grabs a few tissues and cleans them both up before laying down next to James again. 

James lets him clean him up and lays beside him quietly, breathing softly. He doesn’t try to say the words he knows hovers in the air between them, left unsaid, both of them aware. Dave is thankful for it, glad James doesn’t say them because he knows he would say them back and it’s not something that can happen. James is a habit. 

Eventually, James drifts off to sleep, snoring softly beside him. Dave stares up at the ceiling for a long time, thinking about him and James and how much he wishes they could work, but he knows better. He knows as well as James all the reasons they can’t and don’t work. There’s too much history, too much baggage to unpack and put away. They keep tripping over their own mess, but they don’t know anything else. They don’t know how to be anything else. 

It takes twenty-one days to break a habit. Dave recalls reading that fact somewhere. Some habits just can’t be broken, he doesn’t think. He can go twenty-one days without seeing James, without thinking about James, without even hearing James’ name and still, the habit persists. The second he lays eyes on James, he’s sucked back into the cycle, as helpless as the addict he is. 

He hates that he isn’t stronger, hates that he can’t break this habit, but he knows that, even if he could, he wouldn’t. He can’t and won’t give up James for reasons he refuses to name. He knows how James feels about him, could taste it in his kiss as he swallows the words from his tongue, unable to hear them leave James’ lips. 

He turns over onto his side, facing James, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps peacefully next to him. 

“You’re a habit.” He whispers, half wishing James was awake to hear him.

James snores more, sound asleep.

Dave sighs and strokes his fingers down James’ cheek softly. “A bad habit.”

James mumbles something incoherent and snuggles his face into the pillow.

“Twenty-one days. I still can’t give you up.” Dave slides his fingers into James’ hair.

James keeps snoring.

“What do I do? What can we do?” Dave asks softly. 

James sighs in response and then continues snoring.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Dave mumbles and settles against James, sleep still evading him.

Once an addict, always an addict, he muses, a tinge of self-loathing in his thoughts. Always gotta stay high because what else can I do? I can’t…..I just can’t. He tugs at a few curls, chewing his lip as he stares at James’ face. 

They’ve left their mark on each other, burrowed roots so deep under the skin and into their souls that they’ll never be free. There’s not a therapist on earth that can help them now. No rehab to hide out in until the demons are held at bay, no longer clawing at his mind, demanding he satisfy their need for whatever his addiction demands of him. 

They’re caught in a web of his own making and he knows, just as sure as he knows his own name, that they’ll never be truly free of one another. They aren’t meant to be, but they aren’t meant to be free either. 

He almost laughs, the bitter taste flooding his tongue until he swallows it down. Once an addict, always an addict, he thinks again, mouth curling in a vicious sneer, baring sharp, white teeth. 

James shifts uneasily next to him as if sensing the change in Dave’s mood, but he stays asleep, snores still filtering out of him. 

Dave pets his hair softly and James makes a soft noise of pleasure in his sleep, pressing closer to Dave’s warmth and Dave lets him curl closer, unable to deny them the closeness of skin on skin. 

He might be an addict, but so is James, and the thought brings him a little comfort because at least he’s not alone in this. James is just as doomed as he is. He has his roots deep inside of James as James does him. They’re both addicts and neither of them will ever break the habit. They don’t know how.

Dave closes his eyes and relaxes against James, wanting to sleep, hoping it will find him tonight. His thoughts spiral around and around, but he refuses to name what he feels for James, not anymore, knowing it can never lead to anything anymore. So what’s the use in giving it a name? It’s an addiction. That’s what it has to be. That’s all it can be anymore. To say it is anything else is to give it more power than it already has and that’s too dangerous. He can’t keep losing pieces of himself to other people. What’s left for him if everyone else is holding all of his pieces?

Bad habits are practically my forte, Dave sighs, tracing soft fingers over James’ skin, keeping his eyes closed, searching for sleep. It’s not coming easily tonight, but he keeps trying, counting his soft breaths, counting sheep, focusing on relaxing all the tension out of his body. He tries every trick he knows, wanting to escape the cycle of thoughts his brain won’t let him forget or escape. 

The thing about addiction is, even the ones that seem harmless can ruin you if you let them. That’s what makes them so dangerous. Dave knows a thing or two about addictions. It’s why he refuses to name the feelings inside of him. He knows well what they are and he knows that James feels the same way. He refuses to let James give them a name as well. It’s too dangerous. The addiction is too strong already. They’ll never break the habit.

Eventually, James’ soft snoring lulls Dave to sleep and his dreams aren’t as dark as they usually are for once. 

According to science, it takes twenty-one days to break a habit. 

According to James Hetfield, it’s not an addiction if you love someone.

According to Dave Mustaine, he’ll always be an addict because he doesn’t know anything else.


End file.
